On the plane.  Back to the cold, the snow, the memories that I know will find me the second I land back in Minnesota.  You will be happy to know that Paul is mad at me and the thought of having an argument with him reminds me of nearly every time I took a trip without you.  You punished me relentlessly when I returned.  There were always accusations (ALWAYS untrue).  I was always tired, whether from flying or driving and didn’t want to deal with the ugly conversation I knew would be forced upon me when we were reunited.  I think you spent the entire time I was gone strategizing.  You couldn’t let me have a good time when you were left behind.

Maybe this is just how men are.  I was hoping Paul would be different, but maybe you infiltrated his mind.   Or maybe I do something that brings out this quality in the men that I let into my life.  It couldn’t be that somehow I’m at fault, is it?  Or maybe I am attracted to men that are so needy that they become dependent on me.  And that quality both intrigues and repels me…

And damn it…the Disturbed song just came on…

“Thought I was rid of you, thought it was over with, thought I was over it.  Thought I evicted you from my heart, kicked you out of my mind, so nothing left of you wouldn’t be left behind. But you still take up all the space, you just won’t go away.” 

“You stay in my head, like an uninvited guest, an uninvited guest.  You still haunt my heart, guess you haven’t left it yet, haven’t left it yet…like an uninvited guest”

“Still see you everywhere.  You’re still in every room.  Feel you with every move.  I can’t go on without erasing you from my heart.  Tired of feeling this pain. Seems you’re the only ghost I just can’t chase away. You still inhabit every thought.  I pray that you’d be off.”

“You stay in my head, like an uninvited guest, an uninvited guest, You still haunt my heart seems you haven’t left it yet, haven’t left it yet.”   

“I don’t want to feel you around, I just want you out, so please, go please…”

“You stay in my head, like an uninvited guest, an uninvited guest.  You still haunt my heart, guess you haven’t left it yet, haven’t left it yet.  You stay in my head, like an uninvited guest, You still haunt my heart, like an uninvited guest…”  

Uninvited guest.  Yes. That is you.