I thought I felt you today.  I picked up a small, palm shaped candle holder that I had given you several years before your death. You loved how it felt in your hand and I remember you lighting it and asking me to hold it in my own palm. I felt your presence like I’ve never felt before…almost crushing me against the wall.  I clung to the weight until the tears started to form in my eyes. I called Toby over and he put his head on top of the candle, as if he sensed your presence as well.  He stood there for what seemed like an eternity.  Again, tears simmered to the surface as I brushed him with the candle holder.  He stood motionless, as if he needed to feel your weight and your comfort as well.  I was tempted to call out to you, ask questions, and be angry.  All I could do was say, “Oh babe” over and over in my mind.  Why is the pain harder today than it was two months ago?